Struggling.
I tried stay realistic about the fact that just moving to a place will not completely obliterate my depression. The thing of it is though, it creeps in every so quietly until I find myself just sitting on the couch zoning out and snapping at anyone who dare disturbs my zombie-like state. What I hate is that I watch myself snapping and know that I need to stop yet it's so hard to do!
I did make it outside and walked a mile with my son. It took a half hour but that's with all the stops to point things out. (Every single house in our division has yellow flowers. Is that an Arizona thing?) I did feel better when we got home and I sang and played with the Little Guy. But then... I just got sucked into the zombie-ness. I do have things to do and projects to work on but I don't have the motivation. More specifically, I don't care that I don't have the motivation. I don't until I realize what time it is and how the hours just got sucked from my life without me knowing. Then the guilt comes crashing down on me. Then I whine and feel sorry for myself.
Not cool.
My friend told me that I need to make sure I allow myself and the kids "transition time." With all the huge changes in our lives, we're going to feel unsettled for quite awhile and I need to just roll with it. Erm... my way of rolling with it is withdrawing and hiding from everyone and everything.
Blah blah blah.
I know some of it has to do with Hero being on such weird hours and me being with the kids 24/7. Don't bark at me that I should be grateful for the kids, for the work he has. I AM. I just need a break. And need to be with him so I can get centered again.
I guess that is what it's about. Being centered and balanced. Both of which I am not. How do you do it?
I don't need sympathy. I just need to get my big girl panties on and buck up.
7 comments:
Dude. It's like I wrote this post.
No sympathy from me, just loads of empathy! You'll pull through, no doubt.
Your yellow flowers comments made me think of daffodils. Ours should be blooming soon, and I am sure they are blooming now in Arizona.
Sorry 'bout feeling down. Give yourself permission to vegetate. Life is full of stuff, sure, but down time is really, REALLY important for mental health, too. Don't feel guilty about it. Tomorrow is another day and life will go on, whether or not the chores got done.
Love ya! Hugs from a far...
How do I do it? I get out and do something for someone else. Just something simple. Go make some "Magical Munchy Popcorn" (is that what it's called?!) and take it to someone. Anyone. Preferably someone who needs a pick-me-up. Pray about it and you'll know who that person is. It won't be easy - you may even have to force yourself - but I can guarantee that you'll feel better afterwards because you'll have gotten outside of yourself. Now buck up and go do it!! Then let me know how it went. Love & miss you. Hugs!
I'm so NOT centered and balanced. But when I am - it's because I'm taking it slow, dealing with emotions or information as they come. I pick my battles with my kids and hubby. One day at a time, my friend, one day at a time.
You're doing great. It's fine to have a pity party - but eventually you have to leave. :) Just remember that. :)
Centered and balanced? I am not sure how I to do that exactly...but I did find something that worked for me when I was in the process of moving and I was overwhelmed, cranky, withdrawn and the kids were driving me insane.
I make a list/schedule for the day with the kids. This allowed me to think of what I wanted/needed to do and pencil it in. (Instead of floating in my brain all day) It also helped me to schedule fun things in for the kids/us to do together.
I made sure to put a time with everything and when my time was up for one project I moved on (even if it wasn't entirely finished). I found that just this little bit of scheduling with the kids made them happier because they got to see what kind of things we were doing all day long, it kept me from sitting on the couch in desperation and I got to finish the day feeling like I had accomplished something.
Maybe something like that will work for you?
Moving is never fun. Adjustment periods for everyone are different. Hopefully you'll get a break soon!
And I hear ya about going into zombie land. Sometimes I just have to give myself one thing to do for the day... and as long as I can get that one thing done, I can feel pretty good about the day.
Hugs!
love you sweet friend!
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