And you want to know something else? Today marks the day my husband admitted and started his recovery from porn addiction. FIVE YEARS he has been sober. As in, has refrained from that junk. We talked about it this morning and he got a bit emotional. He did not think he could have made it this far as he had tried so many times to get away from his addictions. He also thought and still can't believe we're still married. Quite honestly, I can't believe it either. That first while and some other times too, things were quite dicey to the point that I just wanted out.
It's hard to believe. Five years.
I just know without a shadow of a doubt that he would not have been able to begin the recovery process without the men who were under the inspiration of Heavenly Father. Our Bishop. In fact, the entire Bishopric as 2 of the men were recovering addicts themselves. Our Stake President. The moderator of the LDS Recovery program and the men and women that attended the meetings.
As for my own journey, I would not have been able to begin my own personal healing journey had it not been for a Bishop who reached out to me to say, "I know we tend to focus on the person who has sinned. I want you to know that we are also focusing on those that have been sinned against. We are here for YOU." He gave me a couple of priesthood blessings at various points in my journey. Also, the Stake President gave me a blessing too in the very beginning of all this... the words spoken in there are so sacred to me that I physically cannot relate to others what was said. I must include the sisters in an online forum (Wives of Porn Addicts.) Plus my friends both on & offline.
My goodness, my heart is so full! It is no longer tears of anguish, that fall from my eyes. They are tears of joy to the highest degree! We both know that his recovery path is not over. It will keep going until the day he dies. (Which, better not be for at least 137 more years.) I am so happy about the dedication he has put into being clean. The knowledge & testimony he has gained about how the Atonement truly works.
I love him. I love him fiercely.
As a side-note... it has been interesting to watch his transition from seeking the junk out to being repelled by it. It physically makes him ill.
3 comments:
Five years is amazing! I'm so happy for you both. I've always admired your willingness to share your journey with it all. What a blessing to have so many people on your side to help you. Congrats on this milestone!
So happy to hear that your hubby has chosen to control the addiction and not let it control him. God is good!
Thank you for sharing, Sara. It takes a lot of bravery to open up about the things that hurt us. Love you tons!
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