Do you ever have one of those times where a thought just pops into your head and you then think, "huh?" Especially as that thought just came while you're doing something that's not even related? What about when that same thought keeps popping up every day, again - when you're in the middle of something totally not connected? But you quickly dismiss it because you don't want to think about it. Ya. Me too. What about when after a few days, that thought comes again and it's like it's put up in bright, flashing neon lights in your brain? Then you sit there, rather stunned because you realize... it's something that needs to be done. And it's something that is so simple too.

You want to know what thought that was? Of course you do - my beginning paragraph just had you sitting on the edge of your seat, right?! My thought was: It's time to let go. It's time to forgive him. It's time to give up this burden.

It's been over 4 years since I've discovered the infidelity of my husband's heart. From the beginning, I have always felt like the first 13 years of our marriage was a complete lie. That for us to begin anew, we had to get 13 years of sobriety under our belts first. You know, to break even so to speak. Then I also had the concern as to why he never would ask for forgiveness. I've asked him several times about that but it just never stuck in my brain because I could never remember what his answer was. When it came right down to it, I don't know that I would've been able to forgive him had he asked. I just wanted him to ASK! Yes, I'll admit - groveling & begging would be nice too.

Anyway... it was time. I didn't want that dark cloud hovering over me anymore. I didn't want (and don't want) to live as though I've got one foot out the door. I didn't want to be in a constant state of red alert - waiting for the other shoe to drop. All of it, I just didn't want it anymore. I don't want that to be a part of my being anymore.

So I've let it go. I went to him and told him about this thought that has been popping up for a few days. While it was a little struggle to say, 'I forgive you" I literally felt the Lord lifting the burden from my shoulders. I felt as though I had finally been able to step out of the Refiner's Fire. The pain that was borne for so long has altered my soul... in the way it needed to be. The way our Savior knew it needed to be.

My husband wept. Gentle words were spoken. Peace ensued.

I know his challenges are still there and that we still will have some struggles as a couple. That is just how life is. However, I know that we can now move forward with hope that together, together we can make it through. My husband, myself and our Savior.

*I found out that he remembered that I had said we needed 13 years under our belts... which led him to feel like he needed to wait to ask. He still knows that the choice of staying sober lies with him and that is how it should be. He is still working on it. That's all anyone can ask.*