It's February... and I've got all sorts of thoughts running through my head.
1. It's my birthday month! Only 21 days to go!
I'm actually excited about my birthday. I'm going to be 40! WOWSA! Crazy stuff... I don't feel like I"m going to be 40. I feel like... 28 or 29 or even 32. But not FORTY! 40 and having my first (biological) baby! 40 and almost married 15 years! 40 and wow! Being 40!
2. It's the month my mom died.
It will be 4 years on February 12th. 10 days before my birthday... The pain isn't as intense but every so often I go through the grieving process all over again. I confess that when I found out I was pregnant, I got really angry with her about not being here on earth to help me through this pregnancy. And I would get mad at people who would, as well intentioned as they were, tell me that she's teaching my baby all about me and our family up in heaven. Excuse my mortal self(ishness) in wanting her HERE. Nobody should ever have to lose their mom. It's just not right. In any case, I think about her a lot and while I can't change anything, I do know and can still feel the great love she has for me. That is beginning to give me some comfort.
3. I'm expecting a baby! (Well, technically not until March 1st but hey.)
This baby was definitely a surprise. The jury is still out on whether I enjoy being pregnant. But I suspect that it's a common thing. The ups & downs of pregnancy. One thing I don't like is the intense emotions. I'm sure my husband doesn't care for that part either. I do enjoy feeling the baby move around... until I'm trying to sleep and he's kicking me in the ribs. Ouch.
4. Valentine's Day is coming!
I'm trying really hard these days to get into the spirit of various holidays/traditions with my kids. Growing up, it wasn't really anything except for Christmas. That's a BIG one. But with the other holidays (regardless of how inconsequential), nothing. I really enjoy seeing my kids getting excited about special treats such as craft projects, sweets, activities... and I want to make it special for them. Especially with this baby coming, I want to help them understand that these things are about FAMILY and expressing our love for each other.
That's about it. The "deep" thoughts that have been running through my head. Things will work out one way or another. After all, the sun always rises the next morning. (Muttering under my breath, "Even if it's cloudy, dark & gloomy.")
6 comments:
deep thoughts..so true about being pregnant and wanting to make things special for the other kids.
Happy Birthday
Interesting post! I feel for hubs, it's probably a good time to let him have a breather before your life really gets turned upside down. Then again, we do what we gotta do and if that means being with wife then I understand that too. loveya!
Big big month for sure (love the b-day countdown!). Can't believe how quickly time has flown in all of these aspects. I'm going to guess you're having a Feb baby...hmmm, your birthday sounds good. :) Love you!
Quite a full month for you!!
Hey, whether you are expecting in March or September, expecting is expecting and should be given its own space for every month. : ) (Congratulations, by the way!)
Thank you for your comment on my MMB Adoption post. You well know the sacrifice birth mothers make. All adoptive parents have a special place in my heart. Thank you for making a loving place in your home for a much loved baby(ies).
Happy 40th (soon)!!! I wish I could be there to celebrate with you in person. And I'm so excited to meet your new little one soon!
What? 40? NOOOO, you are SO 31!!!
I went to a birthing class with Popeye when we were expecting #1. They asked each spouse the question, "What happened during this pregnancy that you just weren't expecting." Popeye's answer: "Her mood swings."
And I thought I was doing so good. I had actually considered being a serrogate until Popeye vetoed it. He said, "If I have to endure all your moodiness, then we're keeping the baby."
So, I guess I'm saying - you're not alone in this! I love ya!
(And your gift is done and will be in the mail by the end of the week!)
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