I can't recall if I've ever shared through this forum that my husband has had and to a smaller degree now, major demons in his life in the form of addictions. They came to light over three years ago and let me tell you, that was the darkest time of my life and our marriage. I won't go into details as to what the specific addictions are because that is his story to share.

Last night, I had the opportunity to attend the LDS church's Addiction Recovery Program with my husband. It is based on AA 12 steps but also based on gospel principles and more specifically, how the Atonement can work in one's life. While I can't and won't share the specifics of who said what during the sharing portion of the meeting, I will share with you what I shared in that room.

I never signed up for having to deal with a loved one's addictions and the huge repercussions it had on our relationship, the relationship with our children, extended family and friends. No siree! I rather think that if I had known what was in store before I invested in this relationship, I would've walked away. Who needs that kind of heartache?

Apparently, I did. My husband too.

In fact, he had written in my scriptures that he gave to me for a wedding present that he was glad that we would go through the "Refiner's Fire" together for we both shall come out as gold. I don't know about you all, but who gets excited about that? Seriously. I thought it odd at the time but hey. He loved me and we were going to have a beautiful life together.

Back to sharing... I shared that when I was in the midst of the "Refiner's Fire" - I was mostly definitely not happy about that. Yet, working through it... I can honestly and sincerely say that I am grateful and yes, blessed, for having gone through that pain. Not only did it teach me more about how the Atonement works in one's life, it taught me about patience for myself, my husband, our children and generally people in the world that I meet everyday. I'm not saying that I'm now the epitome of patience. Ha! Those of that you know me or even those that read my blog can see that patience is still something I struggle with. But let me tell you, I am more sensitive and patient with those that struggle with inner demons. Don't we all have them to some degree or other? It doesn't even have to be addictions! Depression, loneliness, and such. I guess you could say that I've become more intuitive? I don't know but what I do know, without a doubt, Heavenly Father loves me just as much as he loves the next guy. HE does not give up on any of us. Our salvation is not dependent on Him saying, "Oh, you're not worthy, so I'm not going to give you a chance for repentence and redemption. I'm going to give it to this person because wowsa, he/she is AWESOME." That is really something that I love about the gospel. It's the journey, it's the moving forward even when all seems hopeless. So beautiful.

Now, my dear readers. I feel impressed to begin sharing my journey through this hell called living with addict or more specifically because this is what it is now: Living with someone in recovery. Going forward, I will be sharing my thoughts, feelings and also the gospel principals in working through this.  Hopefully, it'll give someone somewhere a better understanding of addictions, of being in recovery, of being affected by another's addiction(s). Education is power, right?

To close, I'd like to share with you, my favorite quote of all time.

“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven.”

—Orson F. Whitney, quoted by Spencer W. Kimball, in Faith Precedes the Miracle (1972), 98