Delivery. I've been doing a little reading on this subject to help prepare. And doing a little cringing, dreading and even scoffing. I still do not feel prepared and I shouldn't be surprised because at the end of one article, it stated that (not a direct quote) "While every birth is pretty much the same, the mechanics of it, it is still unique to every woman who experiences it." It went on to say how it can be mentally crippling to the point they swear never to have sex or results (babies), it can be mentally powerful, physically easy or difficult, and some even claim to have orgasmic births. (That's where I scoffed. Seriously - pushing a baby out just canNOT be... anyway.) So - I'm wondering, am I going to be a screamer? If I am, are people going to laugh at me? (Not that I'd care at that point really.) Or am I going to be a curser? Cursing the doctors who told me I would never get pregnant. Hence - the lack of birth control. Or cursing my husband for unexpectedly putting me in this position. Or am I going to be a crier? Crying and whining and saying, "I don't wanna! I don't wanna! Knock me out - I don't wanna do this anymore?" Is this going to be a horrible 48-hour delivery? Or is it going to be "Oh look at me! I only pushed once!" (Not knocking those that it actually happens to. It just really makes me jealous and others too.) I'm also concerned that in the middle of delivery, my mind is going to go *click* and I'll become mentally insane. For reals. I don't deal with pain very well anymore and watching my mother go through a horrible, painful dying process - it really intensified my fear of pain. I can't explain it but there you go. (And yes, I'm afraid that I'll die during childbirth too.)
Breastfeeding. I read an article (I'm sounding like my mother there except she would always say, "I read an article the other day...") and it made me wonder. Would any of my friends or sisters be unembarrassed enough for me to pop my girls out and help me figure out how to do it right? I really, really thought it was an instinctual thing (not just on the baby's part) that you would know how to do it. But all these technical terms are creeping into it. Latching, aerolas, compression, mastitis, etc. Yikes!
Newborn. I have two kids. They were both placed with us within 2 days of birth so I do know how to take care of newborns. However, with now planning on nursing - this is just going to be way different. Long gone are the bottles. Long gone are the midnight feedings my husband would do so I could sleep. (Although, I will have him up with me just so he doesn't miss out on that time. hehe) It's not just the nursing part, it's just... I'm a bit apprehensive about caring for a newborn again. I'll be fine of course but still... this baby will be 4 years apart from my youngest (soon to be middle child). And I'll be 40. (Yep!) I just don't have the energy that I used to have.
Anyway - I'm sure I have other fears in relations to the upcoming birth but for now, these are the ones that occupy my thoughts. I'm working at distracting myself, talking/breathing through different scenarios, talking with supportive friends & family who don't tell me scary horror stories. I also pray. A LOT.
Please don't be patronizing and pat me on the head and say, "There, there." Or tell me I'm just being irrational (which I suspect I am anyhow). I just needed to get these things out there so I can work on overcoming these things. Thanks.
11 comments:
I wouldn't worry about how you will act during deliver, I would decide how you will act. You know there is going to be some pain, just be mentally prepped for it. And who cares if you are a screamer? I grunted when I attempted to push out Colton ; )! GET AN EPIDURAL, you will be glad you did! As for breastfeeding, it was tough with Colton and easy with Paxton. I really feel like all children can nurse some just take longer to catch on than others. Use the lactation nurse as much as you can in the hospital, if you can get your boy nursing correctly before you leave the hospital you will be much better off because you will not have to go back and ask for help. I will be unembarrassed to help... lots of my sisters and even a few friends have seen my boobies! You will do great, Sara, I have no doubts.
I've heard of the orgasm birthers too and I don't get it, your mind is on SO many other things there's no way you could concentrate on that. lol
Don't hesitate to make a nurse or the hospitals lactation consultant sit with you and help you figure out breastfeeding for as long as you need her there. I always felt silly and told them I was fine then regretting it later.
I remember thinking shortly after my first was born "People actually survive this?!?" lol, but I did and I bet you will too :) Good luck!
So, even up until number 3, I still got nervous. EACH AND EVERY TIME. It's totally normal.
And yeah, it hurts. And yeah, you might be one of those screamers when you deliver, but so what? Having that new baby put into your arms right after is an unexplainable feeling that at least helps put some of those painful feelings behind you. You will do beautifully and I'm so excited that I get to still be in town when it happens.
Love you.
CALL ME! :)
I wasn't a screamer really but a moaner. ha ha! But I do recommend an epidural. I'm proud of myself for being 100% dialated w/o one but well, you know the story...Oh, and I was a curser. Not at anyone, just the pain.
And no, no one is going to get embarrassed if you whip out one of the girls to feed your baby. However, I'll confess I did get embarrassed at first having to do but then got over it. Also, at the hospital they'll help teach you/guide you through the process. A lactation nurse will visit you and offer her help. Listen to her. ;)
You know, you'll discover how much you amaze yourself through each stage. It is scary and nerve-wracking but then you talk to someone or you get thru it and it's like wow. I can so do this. And the energy will be there. So many things will come naturally and of course, some will be learned but you're an awesome mom and you'll be awesome with your new babe.
I would NEVER tell a pregnant woman she's being irrational!!! :) Besides, I've been where you're at but just because I have doesn't mean your experience isn't unique and very very special. Just know that these thoughts and feelings and questions and concerns come with the territory but fortunately you do have a great support system around you.
But seriously, you ever want to just shoot the breeze and be frank about any of this I'm more than willing to listen and do what I can to help. I LOVE YOU!
Orgasmic birth? Now that's just wrong lol :) I love you auntie and CAN'T WAIT for baby to be here!!!!
Oh delivery... Mine gave me PTSD. Seriously. The pain was horrible. You didn't ask but here's my two cents: I've had 2 with an epidural, 1 with a late epidural (just had it for the last push), and 2 completely natural. I almost lost my mind with the natural ones. Take the epidural. It's a God send.
On nursing: Oh I wish I could be there to help you! For me nursing did NOT come naturally (not much about mothering does actually) and the first was really difficult. Nursing HURTS at the beginning. But it is so worth it. Both for you and the babe. If you can get through t first 2 weeks, you'll be golden:) Most hospitals offer a lactation consultant - def. use her!
And you wouldn't be normal if you weren't worried about this stuff. Childbirth and caring for a newborn after having just delivered them is a HUGE deal. It's a major life change . But a beautiful one. You will definitely be fine. You will be great! But there is going to be a lot of pain in the interim...
I was a crier. My pain tolerance is nil and epidurals are my friend. I couldn't believe how much it helped me relax so that my body could do what it needed to do. I know others don't like it, but when it comes to childbirth I believe that everyone needs to do what they feel will keep them from losing it. Just my opinion.
As far as breastfeeding - the hospital should have a nurse or a lactating specialist. With my first one I had a lady from the La Leche League come in and talk with me. She was so amazing! I had some trouble with my first one and she gave me pointers, ideas and really helped me out. http://www.llli.org/resources.html That's the website. I'm sure you can find a local chapter to give you more info.
Just try to relax! Easier said than done, I know, but put your feet up whenever you get the chance :)
i've never gotten to experience the pushing and delivering part but i am a pro nurser! I was my little sisters birthing coach and she didn't even touch the baby for her first two nursisngs because she was too nervous so i held the baby there and whipped her out and fed the baby! It helped her so much. I wish I could come help you! My best advice is to nurse as soon as that baby pops out! They are so eager and alert and wanting to suck. If you wait to long then you deal with a passed out baby and that is very frustrating!
My advice on the epidural is to hold off as long as you can. Once you get one and lay down labor can really slow down and often result in a c-section. Labor as much at home as possible, walking is the best. When I was helping my sister she would walk and the contractions would be two minutes apart and then she would lay down and they were 5 minutes apart and a lot less productive.
Good luck and i hope it all goes well! and none of your fears are irrational!
You've got some great advice there. Obviously lots of friends who care and know that you're not crazy!
Some things that helped me:
labor: exercise ball to sit on. Liked it. Epidural. I've had epidurals with 4 of the 5, a spinal block with the other one & one of the epidurals didn't take (Grand Duchess). I now know why ladies cry when all is said and done.
A word of advice in this section: tell Brant that you may be bossy and can't make up your mind but that you still love him. One minute you might want him to rub your back and the next you want him nowhere near you.
Delivery. I agree with the pp - nurse as soon as that baby gets here. No one will care, infact, you'll probably have a nurse ask you to do it. Scream, moan, grunt, do whatever you need to do to get that baby out!
BFing: ditto to everyone else.
Newborn care: get him into a routine starting from the beginning and don't be afraid to tell the nurses to take him back to the nursery so you can get some z's. It's amazing how it all comes flooding back to you.
As for orgasmic deliveries: the only thing I can think of to rationalize that is if the mother was into 'painful play' and pain actually enhances her arousal. That's the only thing I got. Wish that I had orgasmic deliveries - cool!
Good luck Sara! You know how to find me!!!
You aren't being irrational at all. These are all very real concerns. My only advice is to go into it with zero expectations, go witht hte flow, and ask for help at every step. It is completely different for every woman and for me it was completely different with every child. By #5 people were treating me like an old pro who knew it all, but #5 was the most difficult for me and I was so lost. Good luck.
(Oh, and I wouldn't wake up Brant for the feedings, he is going to need his sleep so he can hold the screaming baby inbetween feedings)
;)
Sarah, I think there would be something wrong with you if you didn't have these concerns!
Really, at the moment of birth, you won't care what noises come out of your mouth, I promise! Or who's in the room, for that matter! A whole football team could have tromped in and watched and I wouldn't have cared! (Prior to birth I was real sensitive about privacy)
Epideral or not? Totally listen to your body! You will know if and when you need one. I went both ways. There are pros and cons either way, that balance out in the long run.
Often the long labors you hear horror stories about aren't as bad as they sound. My labor with Will was 25 hours, but more than 1/2 of that wasn't all that uncomfortable. I could still walk around the neighborhood, shower, eat, and even sleep through some of it. Helena was a short and grueling 8 hours.
Here is my best delivery advise of all!!! I got this one from the midwife who helped me deliver my son at home...
Buy Vit. E oil (health food store) and extra virgin olive oil (reg. grocery store). Mix them in equal parts in a little squeeze bottle and place it in the shower. The olive oil improves the flow because Vit. E oil is thick and sticky. Do it NOW! Every time you shower, squeeze a little on your fingers and massage it into the tissues down there, pulling and stretching without causing pain. This will allow greater elasticity at the time of delivery and help prevent an episiotomy.
I had an episiotomy with Helena and she was only 7 lbs. 12 oz. There was scar tissue. But I did what the midwife told me and I delivered Will at 9 lbs. 4 oz. at home with no episiotomy!
The other girls are spot on about nursing! Do it immediately and grin and bear it for the first week or two, then it is great! Make sure you buy some of those pads for your bra so you don't leak out!
So excited for you, Sarah! I'm having my own crisis because my baby brought home registration for 9th grade today! My baby in High School credits?! AURGH!!! I was feeling old, but you make me remember that I am still young! Good luck!!!
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