"Courage doesn't always roar.

Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day

that says I'll try again tomorrow."

~Mary Anne Radmacher

I think in retrospect, this day has been long in coming. The accumulation of loneliness (absentee husband working), being stuck in my home with kids 24/7 (not that I don't love them), and the whole experience of being pregnant (first time.)

I don't know if my body was reacting to all the stress or it was just another lovely manifestation of pregnancy hormones or WHAT. All I know was that today was awful. It started with not feeling quite right. I just figured that I just needed to walk to get the blood pumping and my head clear. I walked my daughter to school and by the time we got there, I was completely out of breath and feeling a little loopy. I had to lean against a column to rest for a minute. When she trooped in her classroom with the rest of her mates, I took my son's hand and began the walk home. Now mind you, it's not a long walk. It's just under a mile. No biggie. Yet, today - wow! We crossed the school grounds and then get up to the road. The loopiness & lightheadedness never went away. I kept telling myself, "Keep on! You can do it! You're almost home! You're fine!" I didn't do a great job of convincing my body though. Just over half way home, I got sweaty, my heart started racing even more and the world seemed to both spin and go dark at the same time. I quickly dropped down and sat on the sidewalk with my son and closed my eyes, sent a quick message to my husband telling him what was happening and just prayed that the dizziness would pass. It didn't. A neighbor walked by and just smiled at me and kept on. Then my good friend Gringa (nickname) came walking along with her son in the stroller. The look of concern on her face was too much for me and I started to cry. I could barely get the words out to tell her it wasn't anything emotional, it was just physical and I was ohhh so dizzy! She stood there with me for a minute and then she walked me right up to my front door. When I got home, the spinning world-ness was back and I went inside and immediately layed myself down on the couch. All day I couldn't get up without experiencing a head-rush. My son had to content himself with playing on the floor next to me...

During all this, my husband and I were texting each other back & forth. He felt helpless as he was at work and I felt lost because I didn't understand what was going on and in a way, felt like he was abandoning me. He wasn't but that's what I felt. Not being able to get out and run some errands frustrated the snot out of me as I just NEEDED TO GET OUT OF THE GOSH DARNED HOUSE!

Now, it's almost the end of the day and while I've worked through the pity-party (kinda), I'm tired.