Do you remember this post from earlier this year?
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It's happening again... but worse.
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To the point that I'm isolating myself from friends, family, church and even withdrawing into myself.
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I need help.
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But I'm scared to ask for it.
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I almost talked to my visiting teaching companion about if she ever had post-partum depression.
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But I felt stupid.
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She's 10 years younger than me.
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But she's actually pretty wise for her years.
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I tried to have a girls' night tonight.
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Just so I wouldn't completely withdraw from the world.
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See? Baby steps.
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But fate was against me.
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And I sit here.
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So very sad.
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Why won't I just call my midwife?
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As they expressed concern a couple of months ago that I might be suffering from PPD?
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Because I feel stupid.
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Like I should be stronger than this.
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That I should have some measure of control of my out-of-control feelings.
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I don't like to open up to people.
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The look of pity makes me feel like I'm just being silly and what I'm fretting about or just the feelings I'm experiencing just aren't worth anything.
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The look of pity is the equivelent of patting a young child on the head.
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I can't explain it.
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I want to feel like this again.
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Have that outlook.
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So very sad.
10 comments:
PPD is so normal, no one would ever think it's stupid. ANY mom knows it's a real thing and it needs to be treated so you can be the amazing mom I know you are. I know it's hard, but call your midwife, I bet she will be far more understanding and kind about the situation then you think. Your husband needs you and more than that, your kids need you. It's time for a happy dance, call you midwife!
Sara, it's so hard to do the right thing, even when we know it would make things better. If you suspect this is PPD, then please call, or call me and I will call for you. (I will send you my number on FB today). I have been to dark places, and right now I feel like a naked mole rat, climbing to the surface, where civilization is, but blinded by the light of all those happy, shiny, people out there. I don't know if I can handle that, so I keep a low profile. I have new storms brewing on the horizon.
My heart aches for you. Depression sucks. I hope you get the help you need. If there is anything I can do, just let me know.
Call her!
It might just be the hardest thing you've ever done, but it will be worth it! It just also might be the smartest thing you've ever done!
Love you.
Lets have a girls night out. You don't have to talk.. we can just escape together for a bit. What do you say?
Sara, call! I will listen without pity. I might not have good advice, but I am a good listener.
And, yes, I think you should call your midwife. There is no shame in reaching out to a network of friends! Good grief, if I didn't have back up, I'd have killed one or more of my offspring by now! Not even kidding there.
Sara-please call your midwife. You are not stupid, what you feel is not stupid. Heavens how many women have gone through this and not acknowledged it or even done anything about it? You are wise, my friend, in that you know you need help. Don't be afraid, it doesn't mean you are weak. Take it from someone who suffers from depression and even more after having a baby. Please, just do it. You will thank yourself, if not now, later. I love you my sweet friend.♥
Been there. Felt that. And the look I got from my doctor when I finally bucked up and told her? "Oh, okay. Sure." And she wrote a script out 5 seconds later without batting an eye. What I'm trying to say is, you're not alone (obviously, because I'm the 8th comment), and your midwife knows it, too.
I hope you get a blessing, too. It'll help - if not feel better, to give you strength to make the call.
Love you! You've got my number, in fact, I have yours. What time is it for you???? Hmmm....
ask for help and call her. never been through it but it might make you feel better.hugs
I love you. I had no idea you were feeling these things. I'm sorry. ;( Call me, call your midwife, VT or other friend. If you call me, I'll be here to listen or talk nonsense if that helps.
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