A Mother's Dictionary (Yes - some of you have seen this before...)

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Abdicate- To give up all hope of ever having a flat tummy.

Adolescents- A teen who acts like a baby if you don't treat them like an adult.

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Candy: A sweet treat you must hide in the bathroom and eat if you don't want to break it into minute pieces so everyone can have a "bite".

Clean House: A place that can only be seen 1. In the movies, 2. A childless couples house, 3. Grandma's or 4. In my dreams.

Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Easter Egg Hunt - Looking for the 3-year-old's left shoe on Sunday morning.

Family outing-an experience where the parents end up being more tired then the child.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Interactive toy: something that makes noise non-stop with no volume control and batteries that never run out.

Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Manners- what keeps you from throwing a fit in aisle 9 at walmart

Patience: Something that will cost you $150 an hour at a doctors office.

Play Doh: A substance that you should only let your kids play with at their Aunt's house.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Prepared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sleep: Something you won't get for another 18 years.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.Top bunk:Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words.

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
What is going on in here? the second dumbest question you will ask as a parent.

Who did this? the First dumbest question you will ever ask as a parent.