Just some thoughts...
When I discipline Little Man, I do so by saying in a stern voice, "Sit down! Fold your arms!" Surprisingly, he does it. Then after about a minute, I'll have him get up and say "sorry" or give loves to whomever he happened to be hitting (usually the cats.) Anyway... my Hero just can't seem to discipline him. He says the same things I do, has the same mad look on his face but our son just totally disregards him. Which frustrates Hero and so, in an effort to MAKE Little Man sit, he'll start raising his voice.
Now, I used to just pipe in and tell Little Man to sit down just to get this done, you know? Then, I started thinking about it and realized that I'm undermining Hero's parenting. So - I leave the room, and listen in to, "SIT DOWN! FOLD YOUR ARMS!" (No - Hero is not screaming at the top of his voice, it's just loud.) Over and over and over.... it's all I can do to just run downstairs and be the strict parent.
I know I need to be patient. It's just frustrating because Little Man doesn't quite understand why his dad is grouching at him. He only sees him for 2-3 hours a day.
Hm.
3 comments:
I've run into the same battle here. It is tough for me not to break in and do the 'tried and true' method I use all day and which seems effective with our 4-year-old.
But she needs to understand that Daddy carries weight around here too, and so when he feels the need to do some discipline, I allow him the reigns - however difficult it is for me to watch sometimes!! :S
But he is the sweetest, most caring father I know, so I know that he does it with love and with the belief that he is doing what is best for his child. He doesn't use anger or temper (as I sometimes do - i.e. when a baby's life or bodily harm is at stake!). So I try to give him those moments. For him, and for the children.
Good post!
And good luck as you allow Hero his space and authority. ;)
We struggle with this from time to time... but my children like to keep things interesting... at one point they will only listen to me. Then they like to switch things up and only do what their Dad says... ah...kids. You gotta love em! :)
We had the same problem in the beginning until I figured it out. Because they only saw daddy for a few hours they didn't see the big difference between happy parent and upset parent in him. He just seemed to always be upset so they didn't see it as their doing or as a punishment. After talking through this with my husband we agreed that they needed to just see him happy for a long time, so I did 99% of the diciplining even if he was home. After almost a year of fun happy daddy he started to slowly add in moments of dicipline and boy did the kids snap to attention. They wanted happy daddy back quick and were willing to obey him super quick in order to do so. Now they obey him better than they do me. Maybe I need to be the happy fun mom for a year now =)
Anyway, that is what worked for us.
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